It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
