We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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