just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
