Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
