I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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