Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The uberlube is also flammable
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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