dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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