My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
