I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i think i just lost a toe
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
