I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
