Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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