I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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