I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Panties = found
Randomize
