I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
