I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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