the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
