From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
