Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
