Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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