I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize