id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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