oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
