WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
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I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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