Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
