ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
