At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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