Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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