We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
