The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
