Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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