The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
