The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
