tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
