I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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