your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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