There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
