trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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