Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think i got beer on your cat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
