how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
