Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
