i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
