oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
