I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
