If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
