my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
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