Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
