I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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