I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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