They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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