great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im six kinds of drunk right now
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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