I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
