did you get engaged???
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
