So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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