Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
