worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He has the fingertips of a God
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