Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
