the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
