That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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