Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
