Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
