i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
