Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The power of my boobs compel you
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
