I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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