Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
