I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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