i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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