Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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