I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This baby is an asshole
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
