Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
