i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
