I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
