if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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