you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
